Collegiate Pants
by meowcat
Summary: PG-13 rating, I think it's apt... a version of summer four. Writing as I go, so I'll take suggestions into consideration, but please RR!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: The Sisterhood and the Pants were not my creation, although I wish I'd been that brilliant!

Prologue:

When a pair of pants fits four very different girls, you know there's something a bit magical about them. I'd kept the Pants for part of this year, folded up in my dorm room closet. Carmen had gotten home one night to discover that her roommate had chosen to go gallivanting off in the Pants - our Pants - for a date. They were in the next post to Brown University, along with hugs and kisses from Carma.

But I digress - you might not have any idea who Carmen is. Or Tibby or Lena, for that matter. Our mothers took aerobics together before we were born, at Gilda's in Bethesda. The "Septembers" class. After we were all born a few months later, and had grown a bit, our mothers drifted (particularly after my own died), but we girls managed to hold on to each other. For eighteen - almost nineteen - years now.

It's hard to explain the four of us, metaphorically or literally. My thing is soccer - that's where I make my comparisons.

Lenny would be on defense, cautious and careful. Guarding not only others, but herself, and reluctant to kick the ball unless it was almost upon the goal. Reluctant to draw attention to herself. Always longing for something that wasn't there - in soccer, the ball, in life, something - someone - different.

As for Tibadee, she'd be goalie. Guarded, like Lena, but in a different way - not in a timid way, in a way that said she was scared of the world and scared of getting hurt. Scared to be out on the field, scared to show that she loved it. Scared to show love for fear that what she loved would be taken away from her.

Carmen would play midfield - comfortably average, but helping out whichever of her friends was in need, any time of day or night. Carma would disagree with me on that - she hasn't quite gotten out of her Good Carmen/Bad Carmen phase, despite the fact that she and Win have been dating for nearly a year. Still, he was good for her - flattery never hurt anyone, especially not Carmen.

And me, Bee... I'd be on offense, dashing across the field. Nothing - no one - gets in my way. I'm different about it now than I used to be, more mature, more understanding, but I still get what I want. Sometimes not fair, but in a lot of ways, it's just how things are for me. I have fun with life, I don't let it get me down. I did once, and when I think back on it, I was so un-Bee-like, it was depressing. I _was _depressed. But now I'm back, stronger than before, but also wiser, back on the field and letting my hair stream out behind me.

At least, that's how they had been since last year. I wondered what it would be like, coming home this summer... it wasn't as though we'd seen each other in school each day; email, letters and phones were all we had to stay in touch. Our friendships were too strong to break under that strain, but I worried. What if they had changed? What if I had?

So I kissed Eric a temporary goodbye, threw my suitcase and the Pants in my trunk, and headed home towards Bethesda, Maryland. Who knew what this summer would have in store, but me being the Bee I was, I'd make of it the best that I could.

A/N: Okay, let me know - should I write more? Yes, no?


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:**

Tibby studied Brian with her camera eye - not her Tibby eyes, those were influenced by feeling. Nonetheless, both pairs of eyes agreed that Brian was someone worth paying attention to. Not for looks, Tibby didn't care about looks, and only Hollywood cameras did. But because he was a happy person, a good person. Not like moody Tibby.

She thought that if she had a camera now, she'd like to capture him as he was now, laughing and smiling and loving her. It had taken nearly a year, but Tibby had discovered that she liked being loved. Not that she'd ever show it, not that she'd ever admit it, because that would make her, well, not _Tibby _anymore.

"Tibby?" Brian said, jolting her back to reality. He smiled and gestured towards the door. "Think someone's here that you'll be happy to see."

Tibby turned. "Bee!" she screeched, almost flipping her chair over as she tore towards her friend. Carmen and Lena were there, too, but they'd been home nearly a week, Tibby had already had her chance to be overjoyed at their arrivals. "You weren't supposed to come home until tomorrow!"

"I wanted to surprise you all," Bee said. "And as if I'd stay away an extra day when I could be home now!"

"Even when Eric was visiting?" Tibby asked, eyebrows raised skeptically.

"He had to wrap some things up there, but he's coming down here later in the summer," Bee shrugged. "I've seen him a lot this year, and you guys were my priority right now."

Brian came up behind Tibby just then - this was one of the things she liked best about him, that he was willing to allow her time to talk to Bee privately. He wasn't intrusive, he respected her space. And to someone like Tibby, that was important.

Bee greeted him with one of her spectacular grins, Carmen and Lena less dramatically. But they all liked Brian - first, because he made Tibby happy, and second, he'd been around long enough that he easily fit in with them. Brian had been around longer than any of the others, except perhaps Paul, but he wasn't quiet or standoffish. Besides, Paul and Lena were nothing official yet, though Carmen hadn't given up on her aspirations.

"Come on, we'll move to a booth," Tibby said, grabbing Bee's hand and pulling her along back towards her and Brian's table. She grabbed her ice cream soda with such gusto that it splattered a little onto the table, and as Tibby and Bee headed full speed ahead for a corner booth, Carmen efficiently pulled a tissue from her pocket and mopped the spill before joining the other four.

Lena waved Effie, who was working as a waitress at the ice cream shop for the summer, over to their booth. Effie batted her eyes at Brian once or twice before taking their order and flouncing off behind the counter.

When she returned, Tibby tore into her salad enthusiastically, making a face at Carmen's cheeseburger.

"How's Valia?" Carmen asked Lena. Tibby vaguely recalled something about Lena planning to call her grandmother.

Lena looked a little uncertain. "Do you want to know the good news first or the bad news?"

"Is she all right?" Tibby blurted. They all looked surprised - it was the comment they'd expected from Carmen. But Tibby had bad experiences with hospitals, and she shuddered to think that Valia might be sick.

Lena nodded and gave a little smile. "She's fine. She loves being home again, she said she'd shown Rena my portrait of Bapi." Lena looked sad - despite the fact that a few years had passed, Lenny was still sad about her grandfather's death. "Rena loved it."

"Of course she did," Bee said loyally.

"And Valia said she sends kisses for Carmabelle," Lena said. "She's still so grateful to you for convincing Dad to let her go home. She almost started crying talking about it. She's so happy where she is."

Carma smiled and looked as though she, too, might burst into tears.

"And the bad news?" Tibby said carefully. She wasn't the optimist there - though she was happy for Lena's grandmother, all throughout she had still had it looming in the back of her mind that there was bad news someplace.

Lena's face crumpled, and Tibby reached for her hand, feeling horrible for having brought it up.

"Kostos left his wife," she said, and burst into tears.

* * *

"It's okay, Lenny," Carmen soothed, arms around her friend. Bee was on Lena's other side, rubbing her back, and Tibby stood a little farther away, making uncertain little soothing noises. Ordinarily, Tibby would have been nearly as comforting as the other two (always a little more distant), but Carma realized she felt somewhat responsible for how Lena felt. "Tibbadee, it's not your fault."

Tibby smiled slightly and came forward to take her place in the huddle. Brian had gone home earlier, because despite Lena's college status, there were still to be no boys upstairs in the Kaligaris house, and right then, Lena needed her own room.

"I'm being so stupid," Lena managed wetly.

"It's all right," Bee said, never one to lie, but still comforting.

"I haven't even finished." Lena reluctantly extricated herself so she could tell her story more comfortably. "Valia's still got her heart set on him and me. She wants me to come out this summer. To see him."

"Don't go," Tibby said immediately. "He doesn't deserve that hold on you, Lenny."

"I don't even _want _to go," Lena sniffled. "But I still _miss _him."

"It's been two years, Lenny." Carmen said softly. "And I know Paul-"

Lena sighed. "No Paul-talk right now, Carma. I'm afraid to get the mail, I'm afraid there's going to be a letter from him. And Tibby's right, he does have a hold on me, and if he got in touch with me, I don't-"

"If he so much as dares write a word to you, Len, call us," Bee said. "We'll take care of him."

Lena laughed a little, a bitter undertone to it.

"Why did he leave her anyway?" Tibby asked the question they'd all been wondering about, but at least had the tact not to mention 'her' name.

"_She _actually left _him_." Lena clenched her hands a little, uncharacteristic for calm Lenny. "He told me that Greece was old-fashioned, not like America. He was right, but Mariana appears not to care. And what's awful is that now, I wonder if he understands how I felt."

"Oh, Lenny, don't be angry at yourself." Carmen said gently. "We aren't going to stop you flying to Greece if you need to, but we don't want you hurt."

Lena shook her head vehemently. "I am _not _going to Greece."

"Three cheers for Lenny!" Bee cried, throwing a pillow into the air.

The wheels in Carmen's head were turning. She'd been considering going down to visit Al and Lydia this summer - maybe she could talk Lena into going, there was always the possibility that something would happen between her and Paul and solve all the Kostos problems. But then, there was the problem of Paul's dad, who had died last November. Paul was probably not in a condition to be with Lena. Carmen sighed. What would happen, would happen.

"I tried to draw him," Lena said conversationally. "At the end of last summer. I thought it'd be closure. But I looked at it next to Paul's, and they were... different."

She went to her closet and, after looking a moment in one of her portfolios, produced two sketches. After looking two seconds at each of them, Carmen realized that saying they were "different" was a major understatement on Lenny's part.

Paul looked thoughtful, Kostos, broody. Paul's eyes held sorrow and pain suffered in silence, Kostos' held need and lust. Good was evident in each portrait - you could tell that these weren't evil people. But Paul emanated tranquil, Kostos was fire, moving, raging, never satisfied. This was not the Kostos that Lena had loved, this was the Kostos who had betrayed her. Carmen felt pain at her revelation. She looked at the others, trying to see whether she was the only one who had noticed. But it was clearly evident on Bee's and Tibby's faces that they understood the personal pain behind the lines Lena had drawn, in a way that they hadn't before.

"What's the matter? You don't like them?" Lena asked, her voice a little tremulous.

None of them could speak at first.

Then, "Oh, Lenny," Bee said, her voice strained with feeling.

Lena nodded, understanding.

"You're going to be one heck of an artist," Tibby croaked, trying to alleviate some of the tension.

They all nodded silently - the joke was not a joke.

A/N - Found out the page breaks weren't working, sorry about that. Hopefully they work this time around!


	3. Chapter 2

A/N: Wow, I don't think I've ever written a fanfic this quickly, but thanks to those of you who commented, you were so encouraging!

When Bee woke up, she had the feeling that today was going to be a special day. People who didn't know her too well thought she had a sixth sense about that sort of thing; her friends knew that when Bee thought a day was going to be special, she'd chase after anything until _something _out of the ordinary happened. This was why life around Bee was forever exciting.

She hummed as she left the house, not fully sure where she was headed. Maybe to Lena's, perhaps to Carmen's, possibly to Tibby's. Her feet would know instinctively where to go – Bee was just here to enjoy the ride.

Next time she looked up, she realized she was by Carmen's apartment complex. She buzzed herself up to the apartment and played with Ryan for a few hours. Cute beyond belief, but not special.

"Are you going to come with me, Carmabelle?" Bee asked lazily as she lay sprawled, watching the baby stare at her, wide-eyed.

"Come where?"

"Something's going to happen, I can feel it."

"I wouldn't want to miss that." Bee could hear Carmen's indulgent smile, even though she wasn't looking. Carma wasn't being patronizing, just amused. "But Ryan's going to have to come, Mama's not going to be back until this afternoon."

"Where's David?" Bee asked.

"On a business trip," Carmen said glumly.

Bee rolled over onto her elbows. "I thought he promised Christina – and you – that there weren't going to be any more of those. I mean, he missed Ryan's being _born_!"

"I know," Carma said in a small voice. "But he just hasn't been around. Sometimes I hate him for it."

Bee made a sympathy noise.

"That's Bad Carmen talking," Carmen said. Bee laughed and shook her head, then they both became serious again. "That's why I thought about visiting Dad and Lydia this summer. Just to get out of here. But I don't want to leave Mama, she's not exactly happy right now."

"Carma, Christina wants you to do what you need to do to make you happy. She's an adult, and she's capable of looking out for herself." Bee said.

Carmen stood up and stretched. "That settles it, we need to get out of here and into the sunshine. Can you grab Ryan a new diaper while I pull the stroller out?"

Bee wagged her finger at her. "Clever delegation of tasks, Carmabelle, but _you _can get the diaper."

After struggling to set the stroller up correctly, Bee finally had to surrender, wrinkling her nose as she faced her alternate task. But eventually, they were out in the warm June weather, strolling at a leisurely pace towards no place at all.

When after a long walk they headed towards Bee's house for a cool drink, Bee spotted a strange car in the driveway.

"What?" she said, wondering aloud.

"Should we head home?" Carmen asked, looking concerned.

"No," Bee said slowly, but she felt her heart skip a few beats. Her father and Perry just didn't have guests. Ever. The last time she remembered seeing a strange car in her driveway had been the day Marly had… but Bee didn't want to think about that. Taking a deep breath, she strode towards the house.

"Hello?" she called tentatively as she opened the door. Carmen shot her a concerned look, and Bee understood why. Bridget was _never _unsure about things, and even when she was, she always strode ahead as though she knew _exactly _what was going on.

"Bee!" Bridget paused when she heard the voice, one she knew well, both in her recent and long-ago memory.

"Grandma!" Bee shrieked, running forward and barely stopping in time to keep Greta from being toppled to the floor. "What are you doing here?"

Greta shrugged. "Things get boring in Alabama this time of year. I called down here and asked Perry if I could come."

Bee had a sudden thought. "Is Dad okay with it?"

Greta smiled mischievously. "It doesn't matter, I'm staying in a hotel. He can hardly protest that."

"But you didn't drive all the way here yourself, did you?" Bee asked, horrified.

"Ahem." Bee whipped around. "Hey, Bee," the speaker said with a grin. "I wanted to come see you. I missed you."

Bee's stomach plunged towards her feet. Today's kind of special was _not _exactly positive. "Billy." She said faintly.

He looked somewhat disappointed that she hadn't been all-out thrilled to see him. There were a few moments of awkward silence, then good old Carmabelle stepped in to save the day.

"Hi, I'm Carmen, Bee's friend," Carmen said, smiling and reaching forward to shake his hand. "And it's good to see you again, Greta."

"Can I get you something to drink, Carmen?" Greta offered. Carmen accepted gratefully and followed Greta into the kitchen. At first, Bee wished desperately that her grandmother was more intuitive, but she realized as the kitchen door shut that at least she could let Billy know about Eric now. If Billy cared. Bridget had gotten the impression, two summers ago, that he'd wanted something more, and she couldn't allow him to get that idea into his head. She settled down, calm and ready for an uncomfortable conversation.

* * *

Lena was a woman on a mission – she hoped Annik would be around, she missed her art instructor. They'd stayed in touch with email, but that wasn't exactly a way for Lena to show Annik her newest work, and art was their main connection. Today she'd brought the portraits of Kostos and Paul.

As she entered the studio, she was met by the sight of Annik kissing someone goodbye. Lena smiled. She hadn't heard about this guy, but she was glad to know that Annik was getting the love she deserved.

"Lena!" Annik cried as the man left. "You're back?"

"I have been for about a week," Lena said, nodding. "I'm sorry I haven't dropped by yet. I didn't want to bother you."

"No, of course not!" Annik said. "Come, show me what you've got."

As Lena handed over her portfolio, she asked, "Who was that?"

Annik flushed, but happily. "We've been dating about a month so far. It's going well, Lena."

"And… the chair?" Lena ventured to ask.

"He acknowledges it, but he embraces it," Annik said, obviously joyous at the treasure she had found in this man. Lena smiled. Even she had had trouble knowing how to approach the topic of Annik's wheelchair at first. This man had to be a worthwhile one if he could do what Lena could not.

Finally, Annik opened the portfolio. The first thing she pulled out was Kostos' portrait. She stared at it silently for a minute.

"You got the chair, Lena," she said, smiling a tiny bit at their old joke. But she smiled in a bittersweet way. "You knew him, didn't you?"

Lena nodded, feeling the old familiar tears prick a little bit, but disregarding them. Lenny wasn't a crybaby by any means, but Kostos had shared a lot with her, and then taken it all away. Those things took time to get over, especially at age 19, and especially when you kept getting your hopes up, only to have them dashed all over again. Although Lena didn't know exactly what her hopes were.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Annik asked gently.

Lena thought about it. It couldn't hurt, and Annik was trustworthy. Besides, although Lena couldn't ask for more than her best friends to help her, Annik was grown, and someone who understood the same way, but with more experience. Lena nodded.

"Come on, let's get my van," Annik said sympathetically. "We'll get some coffee."


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Carmen picked at her food, wondering why she felt that dinner tonight was awkward. No one else even seemed to notice. Christina and Ryan were cooing at each other, too busy to see that Carmen was staring at the single empty chair at the table. Carmen jolted a little when the phone rang, drawing her out of her reverie.

"Can you get that for me, _nena_?" Christina asked, giving Carmen an apologetic smile. Carmen smiled back, trying to seem upbeat. She hoped it was Win on the phone, she could use a break.

"Hi, Carmen, is Christina there?" Suddenly Carmen realized why dinner was awkward, why she was in such a bad mood.

"I was going to call Win," she said in a completely un-Carmen tone, some part of her feeling guilty for being rude. "But I'll put her on."

Carmen listlessly handed the phone to her mother, wrist so limp that she practically dropped the phone. She automatically moved to take Christina's seat in feeding Ryan, who was smearing the food all over his high chair tray.

She watched Christina's face as she walked out of the room. So it had been a Bad Carmen thing to do, to be rude to David, to be rude to anyone who could put that look on her mother's face. But still, why wasn't he here? Why wasn't he home to put that look on Christina's face in person?

"You've got a pretty awful sister," she told Ryan, who smiled at her and smeared more peas in his hair.

Thank goodness for brothers - Paul, who always listened, never judged, and was a steady, unchanging presence when the rest of the world was topsy-turvy. And Ryan, who also listened (even if he didn't necessarily understand), and also loved Carmen unconditionally.

She gingerly lifted Ryan from his highchair - it was apparent that he wasn't actually going to _ingest _any more food. She winced as she carried him down the hall towards the bathroom, she could _feel _the baby food staining her clothes as she started the tub. Sticky was something you had to get used to when you had a baby in the house.

"_Nena_? I'm off, I didn't want to keep you from calling Win." Christina called a few minutes later, over the sound of Ryan's splashing.

Carmen sighed inwardly - she hadn't actually been planning on calling, but now she'd have to. Not that she didn't love talking to Win, she just felt guilty calling him on the basis of a lie. Maybe she'd call Paul instead, to explain the newest escapade of Bad Carmen. She decided on a compromise as she dialed Win's number.

"Carmen?" She had to smile when she heard his voice. Eager and energetic, and always happy to hear from her.

"Bad Carmen," she corrected him, pressing the power button on her computer with her big toe.

"What happened?" he asked, immediately concerned. "Is everything okay, Carmen?"

"It's fine," she said, launching into the night's story. It wasn't often that Carmen called needing to complain about herself - even Win couldn't withstand playing the role of psychiatrist when he was supposed to be boyfriend. But on the occasions that Carmen needed to be loved, he rose to the occasion admirably.

Thankful that she was able to multitask, Carmen clicked onto her Instant Messanger.

**Carmabelle: **Paul?

**PaulRodman: **Hi.

Carmen laughed out loud into the phone - it was so typically Paul, and so desperately what she needed, it made her laugh.

"Carmen?" Win said, sounding confused. She explained and he laughed, too. She loved that about Win - he understood Carmen and accepted her. Ironic, really - the same reason she'd thought she wasn't worthy in the first place was the same reason she loved him more than ever now.

**Carmabelle: **This is one of those stories where Carmen is bad.

Silence from Paul. She knew he was there, that his silence meant he was ready to listen, a mute approval to go ahead and spill it all out. Win was the opposite, interjecting comments far nicer than she deserved.

She and Win moved on in conversation, he was back at the hospital this summer, and telling her funny stories about the kids in the playroom (where, thankfully, it appeared Katherine would not be spending her summer).

"You should come back to do that penguin voice," he said, lightly teasing her.

She could feel herself blush. "I didn't know you were _there!_"

**PaulRodman: **Krista wants to say something.

**PaulRodman: **Hi, Carmen! Al said you were coming out this summer - I'm so excited! And of course you know who Paul wants to see you br

**PaulRodman: **Krista had to go.

Carmen laughed - Krista, like Paul, was unchanging, always energetic and perky.AndCarmendid, indeed, know who Paul wanted her to bring, and Lenny'd be there if Carmen had her say in things.

"Carmen, I'm really sorry, but I have to go," Win said apologetically. "Come down to the hospital tomorrow?"

Carmen readily agreed. "But no penguin voices," she said as sternly as she could muster.

He laughed. "No penguin voices."

* * *

Tibby walked into the movie theater, looking around for Margaret. She appeared from hallway leading back to the theaters, looking thin, tiny. For an awful moment, Tibby had flashed back, thinking of Bailey.

"Tibby!" Margaret exclaimed, looking thrilled to see her.

"Can I help out with anything?" Tibby asked, feeling awkward, wondering how she was supposed to act. This situation was not for her like it would have been for Lena or Carmeena or Bee - she couldn't come home and pretend nothing was different, not in this way. She couldn't waltz into the theater and be the same Tibby they expected to see, as though she hadn't been gone for a day. She couldn't just pick up a trash bag and wait for the movie to end. Too much had changed - but not enough that asking permission didn't feel odd.

"This is a good one," Margaret said earnestly, jerking her head towards the sign. "Do you want to come back and see it? It's the twelfth time for me." Unlike Tibby, Margaret seemed never to tire of watching the same movie over and over.

Tibby nodded. She had time to catch a movie, and Margaret looked as though she could use the companionship. She trotted into the theater after Margaret just as the lights were dimming. They chose the back row, away from everyone else, where they could lose themselves in the world of the movie.

As Tibby got drawn into the film, she realized that she was gradually losing track of the world around her. No longer did Margaret exist beside her, the only people in the world were the ones on screen, and Tibby watching them. And then Tibby realized that someone else did exist, when she felt a light touch on her right hand. She looked over and saw Brian. Why was he here? How had he known _she'd _be here?

As the movie continued, Tibby felt vaguely guilty, realizing that now was supposed to be for Margaret, but Tibby liked the fact that Brian had known that she was confused, that she needed someone stable, someone who knew that the world had changed since Tibby had worked at the movie theater, someone who could understand that things weren't the same. So she clung to Brian's hand on one side, and reached for Margaret's on the other. A chain of support, Tibby telling Margaret that even though Margaret lived through her movie stars, lived through the movie plots, to escape from her unchanging life, it was okay, that things would be okay. And Brian telling Tibby that he loved her and was there.

They left the movie as it ended, not saying much, still clinging to the magic. Not the same way it normally is at the theater - clinging to the illusion. Instead, clinging to the emotion that had been able to escape during that short few hours, and the understanding that the three had gained of each other.

"Come back soon, you hear?" Margaret said to Tibby, voice uncertain but brimming with emotion.

Brian had walked to the theater, it was an unspoken agreement that she'd drive him home. But Tibby's hands had a mind of their own, as they steered the car towards their spot, midway between their houses. He sat down on the picnic table and waited, and she knew they were both thinking of a night a year ago when they'd been standing the same way, but in such different circumstances. A mark of the year that had passed.

"Things have changed, haven't they?" Tibby said, voice tremulous. He held out his hands and she went towards him, reaching to him in return. He rested his chin on top of her head.

"Yes."

"But what does that mean?" she asked plaintively.

"Nothing," he said simply. "It means we've grown, it means a year's gone by. It means I love you even more now than I did then."

Tibby was silent, breathing in his scent, face buried in his Old Navy shirt she'd bought ages ago. Hiding from the ever-changing world. He knew love scared her, receiving it and giving it. He knew that when he told her he loved her, he wouldn't get a response.

"Tibbadee?" he said gently. "What are you thinking?"

"I love you, too," she croaked, burying her face even deeper. He stroked her hair and Tibby realized that he, like no one else could, knew what saying that meant for Tibby. He knew that in Tibby's mind, what Tibby loved got taken away. Bailey. Mimi. He understood that saying she loved him meant that she was risking him, that she was willing to risk being hurt for his sake.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told her quietly, and Tibby wholeheartedly believed him. The fear might return later, but he'd promised her, and Brian would never break a promise. He would break the curse, he wouldn't go.

They stood like that for a long time, holding on to each other, and holding on to the one moment where nothing had to change, a moment of perfection. The moment where Tibby had thrown her most naked self into the world, and Brian had accepted her as she was, for who she was. The moment where Tibby had finally broken free of the fear she'd carried, and where Brian had sheltered her in those first few, raw minutes. And the moment where Tibby had learned what it was to be loved and to love without fear.

A/N: Keep going? Yes, no? I think I might anyway, mainly because I'm loving writing this, but hopefully people like it all right.


	5. Chapter 4

Sorry it's been so long, thanks again for being so nice, everyone!

**Chapter Four:**

It had been a week since Billy had arrived, and Carmen noticed that Bee had quickly and easily settled in to having him around. Today she had walked down to the park with him to kick around a soccer ball, and Carmen had joined them later with Ryan. She was sitting calmly by Bridget - a mark of how well Bee played, Carmen realized, that she trusted her one-year-old brother not to be in danger of getting hit in the head by a stray ball.

"So he knows about Eric, right?" Carmen said, prying a twig out of Ryan's hands before it made its way into his mouth.

"See, there's the funny part, Carma," Bee said with a grin. "I didn't tell him the other day, I just couldn't."

"Don't look so unconcerned," Carmen scolded. "You need to tell him!"

Bee shrugged as she slammed the ball back towards him, not even looking at it. "I'll tell him, Carmabelle."

"Bee, Eric's coming in three days, what happens if he shows up and Billy doesn't understand?" Carmen asked, worried.

"It'll be fine, Carmen."

"He's going to be upset if he doesn't hear it from you," Carmen warned. "He's going to feel led on."

Bee sighed and stopped the ball under her foot. "Billy?"

"Yeah?" he called back, and Carmen shook her head at his unmistakable happiness.

"Billy, come here for a minute," Bee shouted back. She gave Carmen an "are you happy now?" look as he trotted over. "We need to talk."

He looked concerned, and looked towards Carmen, as though she could tell him what was wrong. She gave him the most encouraging smile she could manage. "What's up?"

"Let's walk," Bee said, and Carmen watched them stroll along the path, and with horror, she noticed that Bee was walking no differently with him than she usually would, leaning a little towards him, letting her hand brush his.

"Oh, Bee," Carmen murmured. Bee obviously didn't notice that she wasn't acting the way she was, but Billy looked so earnest and trusting that she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. He reminded her of Win in a lot of ways, so eager to help and to be loving.

Carmen watched as they continued to walk, wondering where they were in their conversation. They stopped, Carmen could see Bee's face, sweet and concerned, but not full of much emotion. Bee had given this talk so many times before, it was practically rehearsed. Suddenly, Billy was moving, quickly, the other way. Bee reached out for his hand, he pulled away and strode down the path. Carmen gave a sharp intake of breath.

Bee jogged back, and as she neared, Carmen was startled to see tears trickling down her cheeks.

"Oh, Bee," she said softly, putting her arms around her. "Was he angry?"

"No," Bee said. "Not angry. I could have dealt with angry, because they're all angry. But he was sad, so sad. Just looked like he was a puppy and I kicked him." She gazed ruefully at her tanned, strong, soccer legs. "Kicked him." She repeated.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

Carmen got to her feet. "Where is he, Bee?"

She looked puzzled, even through her tears.

"Come on, Bee, you know where he went," Carmen pressed. "I know you do, you know him well enough."

"The elementary school," Bee said in a tiny voice. "We were going every day to watch the little kids play soccer. It was a good place to talk."

"I'm going," Carmen said with finality. "I'll talk to him. Stay with Ryan?"

"Yeah," Bee said, rolling over onto her stomach. "Call Tibbadee and tell her to come keep me company."

As Carmen pulled up at the elementary school, she wondered what she was doing. Why she had followed him here, why she was going to try to talk him out of being upset when she had only met him a few days ago. She looked down to realize she was wearing the Pants, and smiled. That explained a lot, the Pants made Carma a lot more daring than she usually was.

She found him on the bleachers, as Bee had predicted. In the topmost row, away from the parents and coaches, in a little corner of solitude, safe from the outside world, submerged in soccer. She sat in the row in front of his, facing backwards so that she could look at him as she talked.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, though not in a tone that sounded angry or annoyed.

She shrugged. "You seemed upset. I thought you might need to talk."

"You knew the whole time, didn't you?" He gave her a look so soulful and sad that she understood what Bee had meant. Her heart went out to him, and she bit her lip as she watched an unwanted tear trickle down his cheek.

"Yes, I knew," she said gently. "Tell me about Bee."

"God, Carmen, she's amazing," he said earnestly, and she smiled quietly. "She left two summers ago and I missed her so much, I didn't want to chase her down, I knew deep down that there wasn't really any use to hope. That other guys had to have noticed, to have asked, to have been rejected. And then this summer, when her grandmother was coming, I couldn't miss the chance. I never thought about another girl the same way I think of Bee. I knew it was too much to hope, but I guess I still-" he broke off miserably.

"She cares about you so much, Billy," Carmen said softly, putting a comforting hand on his knee. "So much. But she can't care about you that way."

"I know," he said. "I know, but it's so hard not to hope sometimes."

"Hope can keep you going," Carmen acknowledged. "But hope hurts a lot sometimes."

"I shouldn't even hurt like this," he said. "I shouldn't care, I should be happy."

"Don't worry about 'should be'. Time takes care of 'should be'. Right now, worry about you. Do something nice for yourself."

He looked at her for a moment, then leaned forward, shutting his eyes. Carmen didn't know what to think, then his lips were brushing hers, and she put a hand out, gently, to push him away.

"You're hurting, Billy," she said softly. "Don't try to do something we're both going to regret."

"I know I'm hurting, Carmen," he said, and another tear rolled down his cheek. "It hurts so bad."

"I can't comfort you that way," she said steadily, gently. "I'm so sorry."

As she drove home, she was crying.

* * *

Lena was comfortably relaxing up in her room, painting her toenails purple. Some days, it was just necessary to paint your toes a weird color, so you felt free to be weird and flamboyant and have fun.

Also necessary was the singing out loud to the radio. And Lena was most definitely belting. If anyone but Effie had been home, she would have kept it to a more reasonable level, but Effie couldn't carry a tune if her life depended on it, so she wouldn't say a thing about Lena's singing voice.

As Lena waved her toenails in front of the fan to make them dry faster, she started to work on the other foot, singing all the while. Summer afternoons were the best times, Lena thought upon reflection. The window was open, so the warm breeze was floating in, but the fan kept her from sweltering. Isolated outside because of the heat, so there was no one to hear her sing. It was blissful.

And, of course, it helped that she was supposed to go out with the other girls tonight, they hadn't had any time alone in forever, not when it was just the four of them. But Tibby had called all three, informing them that each of them desperately needed a night out. Lena hadn't yet heard the gory details of Carma's and Bee's situations - those were being saved for tonight, when they would all talk for hours on end, but apparently both of them needed a purple nail polish night, one to forget all their troubles.

Plus, Lena had gotten the Pants from Carmen late last night, which meant nothing was allowed to go wrong. The Pants had an air of confidence about them, one that made Lena feel secure. A new song came on the radio, one of her favorites. She belted a little louder, wondering how loud she'd have to get before Effie came up to scream at her for the volume.

As Lena warbled the chorus, she thought she heard the doorbell ring. Oh, well, Effie'd get it, Lena didn't want to get up and break the magic spell of her bedroom, the isolation and the safety and the happiness.

Moments later, the sounds of shouting came from downstairs, and Lena abruptly stopped singing, wondering if she should go down and see what had happened. Was Effie okay? The noises were muffled, she couldn't tell who it was.

She got to her feet, and froze, unable to decide whether to go. She mentally berated herself - where had that air of confidence gone?

"Stop it!" Lena heard Effie scream, the first clear thing she'd been able to hear. "You can't go up there!"

So this person, this intruder, was coming upstairs. Lena looked around desperately for something, anything to defend herself with. She came up with a rolled up pair of socks and a sneaker. Not much help. But the door was swinging open...

Lena felt her jaw drop.

"No," she whispered. Then, "No," more firmly.

"I heard you singing," he said, with a lopsided grin.

"Get out." Lena said, jaw clenched.

"Lena." Kostos crossed the threshold of the doorway, stepping into Lena's private land of happiness. This was the last straw.

"Get out!" she cried. "I don't want you here!"

"Lena." He sounded sad. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have come. But I wanted to talk, to explain."

"What is there to explain?" she asked. She wasn't near tears, only angrier than she could ever remember being. "I loved you, you left, I had to move on." She realized how cold she sounded, and it chilled her.

"Lena, I did what it was my duty to do."

"Then consider it your duty to leave, now." Lena said. "I mean it. You can't keep coming back, reopening the wounds, thinking that nothing has changed, that I'm still here waiting, that I'm willing to be here waiting."

"Is there someone else, Lena?" he asked. He crossed the room in a few short strides to grab her arms - she quickly extricated herself. "Is there anyone else?"

"No," she said quietly. "But there is no you anymore." She pulled her socks on, not caring that her toenails were wet, and jammed her feet into her shoes. She walked past him silently, into the hall, where Effie was almost in tears.

"I told him not to go up, I told him," she shrieked hysterically. Lena simply passed by, a quiet pat to tell Effie things were okay, and then she was floating downstairs, out the door, down streets, until she somehow found herself at Tibby's house.

Tibby herself answered the door, thankfully, and wordlessly pulled Lena inside. She looked uncomfortable, but that was understandable. Tibby was not the comforter, that job usually fell to Carmen, but right now, Lena wanted Tibby's cynicism and obvious one-sidedness. Not kindness, she wanted Tibby to make horrible jokes about Kostos and make her laugh until she cried and things were better.

"What happened, Lenny?" Tibby said, shoving a glass of water into her hands. "Drink, then tell me."

As she gulped the water, Lena spilled the story.

"You told him off, Lenny, good for you!" Tibby said. "Well, not really, but for you, it was telling him off." She giggled a little. "I bet he still doesn't know what hit him."

"I shouldn't have left Effie alone," Lena said regretfully, now that she was thinking more clearly. She kicked her shoes off. "That was awful, I should go back and-"

"No, you shouldn't," Tibby said sensibly. "You should stay right here and trust that Effie knows how to take care of herself."

Lena reached down to take her socks off; they peeled away with layers of grape-colored nail polish stringing out between them and her feet. Lena looked at Tibby, who exploded with laughter. Lena bit her lips to prevent herself, but eventually she let herself go with the laughter, and just as she'd wanted, she laughed until she cried, and things were better.

"I'm going to call Carma," she said decisively once she was done. "We're going on a little trip."

"Oh really," said Tibby, obviously amused. "Where to?"

"To Al's house," Lena said, dialing. "I'm going to see Paul."


	6. Chapter 5

A/N - This chapter's longer than the others, I needed it to be... I hope the plot is okay for everyone, let me know if it's not. I'm writing as I go, no definite plot in mind, so I hope things are flowing all right.

**Chapter Five**

Tibby speculated that maybe things were a bit too perfect. Brian, her family, her friends... things were going so well. So well that they were, well, a little boring. She wished something would happen, anything, to shake things up a little. She barely paid attention as she dropped Bee off... she realized too late that she hadn't responded to Bee's goodbye, and so Tibby made an effort to perk up and bring her head out of the clouds.

"I'm sorry, Bee," she said, feeling bad about the hurt look on Bee's face.

"What's on your mind, Tibbadee?" Bee asked, at least knowing Tibby well enough to realize that it wasn't rudeness, that something was up.

"Boredom," Tibby said.

Bee's eyes started to gleam.

"Oh, no," Tibby warned. "I know that look, and we aren't going to get ourselves in trouble."

"Not tonight," Bee agreed, and sighed regretfully. "Greta's staying the night and we're going to watch old movies." She perked up a little at the thought.

Tibby smiled. "Have fun, all right?" She was surprised that Bee's grandmother had the stamina to stay up this late, but maybe that was where Bee got her energy from.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Tibbadee," Bee said, and hurried inside.

When Tibby arrived home a few moments later, she realized all the lights were on. No one should still be up, not in her house. Nicky and Katherine went to bed early, and her parents soon after.. Tibby had always been the night owl at her home.

Her heart beat a little quicker as she went up the front steps, and she wondered what had happened. As she reached for the knob, the front door flew open, and she gave a little scream.

"Oh, thank God, Tibby," her father sighed, and Tibby wondered how fast her heart was racing. He shoved Nicky's car seat into her arms. "Go ahead and load that in, then Katherine's. I'll go wake them up."

Tibby stood there, mouth agape, clutching the car seat.

"Dad, what's going on?" she managed.

"Not now," he said, barely concealing the panic in his voice. Without a word, she went back out to her car. As she buckled the seats in, she racked her brain. What could have happened? She still had no answers as her father carried a limp Katherine outside and handed her off. Once Nicky, too, was buckled in, Tibby rounded on her father.

"I need an explanation," she demanded.

He sighed and rubbed his tired face with a listless hand. "Your mother's gone."

Tibby stood there for a moment, then laughed with disbelief. "She's probably down at the CVS or something, Dad, why are you panic-"

His look cut her off then and there. "Her clothes are gone. So is her car."

She felt her face pale. "Oh, God," she whispered. "Where did she go?"

"I don't know, Tibby, I don't know," he said wearily. "I'm going to call the police as soon as you take the kids, it wasn't worth it to call them before, especially since I can't really formally file a report until tomorrow night."

"Where do you want me to take them?" Tibby murmured, trying to keep her voice low enough that her younger siblings wouldn't hear.

"Your aunt's expecting you," he answered. "I called as soon as I realized your mother was really... gone." He turned away from her, with the excuse of loading the three suitcases he'd packed for them into the trunk, but Tibby had the awful feeling he was crying.

"When do you want me to bring them back?" she asked, feeling helpless beyond belief. She didn't understand what was going on around her, it all felt like a blur.

"Call me tomorrow," he answered. "And I'll call you the minute I learn anything."

"You're sure you'll be all right?" she asked as she hugged him goodbye.

"Just take care of them," he answered, his voice broken. "I'll be fine."

Tears streaming down her face, Tibby pulled out of the driveway, and down the street. She knew she should try to control herself, but she was beyond that now. She drove aimlessly at first, then came to herself and began driving with a sense of purpose.

"Tibby?" A timid voice came from the backseat. "Tibby?"

She hadn't realized Katherine was actually awake, she would have made much more of an effort to hide her emotions otherwise.

"What is it, Katherine?" Tibby asked, trying to keep her voice level.

"Tibby, we're going the wrong direction," Katherine said, her voice abnormally quiet and frightened, like a little mouse.

"We aren't going to Aunt Irene's," Tibby said grimly. It was requiring all of her willpower to drive right now, she didn't know how she was doing it. When she arrived at her destination, she scooped up Katherine, woke Nicky, and led them both up to the door. It took the last of her strength to ring the bell.

Brian answered the door, and Tibby literally dropped Katherine into his arms, paying no attention to the fact that he was standing there in his boxers.

"What happened, Tibby?"

"Is anyone else home?" she asked urgently.

"No," he answered grimly. "Not tonight." So they were out drinking. "But Tibby, what happened?"

"Just put Nicky and Katherine to bed," she said, collapsing onto the couch. "Then we'll talk."

As she heard him leave the room with them, she rolled over and buried her face in the foul-smelling, stained pillow, and began to cry, full-out sobs that racked her body. She lost track of time and space and everything as she sobbed.

After what seemed like an eternity, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, Tibbadee," Brian said gently. "Let's go back to my room, you don't want to be out here."

She floated after him down the hall to his room, the only ray of sunshine in the house, clean and comfortable and cozy. She sat on his bed and drew her knees up to her chest, typically defensive. When he put his arms around her she leaned against him and, with some encouragement on his part, told the entire story.

"I don't get it, Tibby," he said quietly. "Why would your mother leave? She had everything going for her, she loved her life."

"I don't know where she went, or why," Tibby sniffled. "What if someone made her go?"

Brian shook his head thoughtfully. "I don't think so. I think she left of her own free will, but why... that's where I get stuck."

Tibby realized that Brian knew her own mother well enough to understand what had happened better than she did - her own family, he knew all of them better than she did. This thought made her cry harder, so he clutched her tighter and rocked her, and suddenly their lips met and this was comfort better than anything else Tibby could have expected. She kissed him with a fervor unlike any before, drinking in reassurance and comfort.

Then, suddenly, she felt his hands on her back, fumbling with her shirt, and she knew she should pull away... she _knew_, but she was so lost, and she needed so badly to be found. And then her thoughts came back, and she vividly remembered a scene earlier this evening - complaining of being bored, and wanting something to happen, and pulling up in the driveway, and the expression on her father's face. And it was all her fault somehow.

And she pulled away.

"No," she said. He was breathing hard, they both were, she could feel her heart racing, but he reached out a hand to take hers.

"I'm so sorry, Tibby," he said, and she took his hand in both of hers. "I should have thought, and I'd never want to - not if - not when-" he fell silent.

"It's all right," she said gently. "But I can't even think about that. Not right now. And I know I shouldn't be pushing you back now-"

"No, Tibby, you were right," he said.

"It's just, I was so lost, and then..."

"I know," he said, looking ashamed. "I should have thought... I didn't."

"No," she said, giving him the most loving smile she could manage, and she leaned against him again. He put his arms around her, and suddenly she felt very tired. She could hear him saying something, tried to focus, but couldn't wake up enough to hear. Finally, he laughed.

"Sleep well, Tibbadee."

She snuggled a little closer.

* * *

Bee woke up to a blaring phone.

"Hello?" she said sleepily. Then, more awake, "No, Tibby's not here. She's missing?"

At the sound of Bee's voice, Greta awoke in the twin bed across the room, and Bee reached for her grandmother's steady hand as she listened to Tibby's father pour out the whole story.

"So Tibby didn't turn up at her aunt's?" Bee asked. "Have you called Carmen or Lena? Yes, I understand. I'll keep an eye out for her. Yes, I'll call you back if I hear from her."

As she dropped the phone back onto the hook, trembling, she turned to Greta.

"Your friend is missing?" Greta asked, eyes concerned.

Bee nodded. "I need to use Dad's car, I've got to go look for her."

"Yes, of course. I'll stay here and let him know where you went." Greta said. "Just do what you have to do, Bridget."

As Bee pulled out of her driveway, she felt the weight of her mission on her shoulders. Carma and Lenny wouldn't be out looking, Tibby's father had said they hadn't even been home when he'd called. So it was up to Bee to find her.

Suddenly, Bee knew where Tibby had gone. Exactly where Tibby _would _go if she were in trouble. Bee might have felt a tinge of jealousy if she hadn't had Eric... for what Tibby had needed, her best friends just weren't right. She'd needed Brian, and Bee understood completely.

Once she'd pulled up, Bee jogged to the door. She knew Tibby was there, but there was a part of her that wouldn't rest until she was totally sure. When Brian opened the door, looking sleepy and clad only in a pair of boxers - doubtless, ones Tibby had bought for him, her eyes nearly popped out.

"Where's Tibby?" she asked, almost snapping. Wordlessly, he turned and went back into the house, and a few moments later, Tibby came to the door, looking sleepy, but when she saw who it was, she woke up mid-yawn.

"Bee? What're you doing here?"

"Tell Brian you'll be back in twenty minutes," Bee said with finality. "We're going out for some breakfast."

As soon as Tibby got in the car, Bee got to business.

"Tibby," she said, her voice measured. "Please tell me, Tibbadee, that you did not do anything last night that you will regret."

Silence.

"Tibby," she said, a little more urgently now.

"Who says I'll regret it?" Tibby said, in her typically rebellious style, and she laughed.

"Tibby!" Bee exclaimed. "This isn't a joke. I need to know."

"No, Bee," said Tibby, sobering. "But Bee, we came close."

Bee started to pull into a parking space, then changed her mind, realizing that the conversation they were having was not one the other McDonalds patrons would be interested in hearing. The car behind them honked as she backed the car out, and Bee considered getting annoyed, but instead pulled into the Drive-thru.

"Tibbadee," she said, with a sigh. "You know no one would understand like I do, and I promise I do understand, but if you're going to do this with him, I want you to be totally sure."

Tibby looked subdued. "I know how to handle myself, Bee. I was just hurting." Her tone of voice totally changing, she called her meatless order out in the general direction of the speaker.

"Well, then he damn well shouldn't have tried to take advantage of you," Bee said, not knowing why she was so upset.

"Oh, Bee, it wasn't like that." Tibby said. "We both... but then I came to my senses."

"I'm glad you did," Bee said, handing the money out the window. "God, Tibby, what if you hadn't?"

"Well, maybe, Bee, just maybe," Tibby retorted, "I wish I hadn't!"

There was a long silence. Bee realized that she hadn't at all helped Tibby's state of mind, and she reached over to hug her.

"I'm sorry, Tibbadee," she said softly. "But I don't want you to get hurt."

"I _was _hurt, Bee," Tibby said. "That was why I went to Brian."

"But who do you go to if the only person you can go to is the one who hurt you?" Bee said, partly to herself.

"Please, Bee, I'm not going to do anything dumb," Tibby pleaded.

Bee sighed. "I'm sorry for dragging you off like that. But when I saw him standing there, and I thought, and I started thinking what if, and I panicked."

"Don't be sorry," Tibby said, with a lopsided smile. "But I find it funny, Bridget Vreeland, that you're the one who's doing the looking-after here."

Bee giggled.

"How did you know I wasn't home, anyway?" Tibby asked, as an afterthought.

"Your dad-"

"Oh, my God, I forgot to call him!" Tibby exclaimed.

"Are you going to tell him you spent the night at Brian's?" Bee asked curiously, handing over her cell phone.

Tibby paused, then nodded. She started dialing. Once she'd spoken to her father and hung up, Bee gave her an expectant look. Tibby shook her head.

"I'm so sorry, Tibby," Bee said softly. A couple moments of silence. "Back to Brian's?"

Tibby nodded silently. Bee had the suspicion that Tibby thought if she said anything she'd burst into tears.

After dropping Tibby off and arriving home, Bee felt ready to drop. She wished she had someone to hold her and comfort her, as Brian was doubtlessly doing now for Tibby. When she pulled up into the driveway, she saw a new car that didn't belong there, but this one brought no sense of foreboding. Bee practically leapt out and threw herself at the car's owner. She stood there for a few moments, breathing in his scent, glad he was finally with her. Until he spoke.

"Who's Billy?" Eric asked.

A/N - Ooh, a cliffhanger... I'm sorry to leave you with it, but hopefully you're curious!


	7. Chapter 6

A/N - I'm so sorry it's been so long! I'm hoping to be more frequent with updates soon.

**Chapter Six**

Lena had her head stuck out Carmen's car window, letting the wind gust past her. She shut her eyes and felt the freest she had since Kostos had shown up.

Carmen shouted something from within the car. Lena pulled her head back in and rolled the window up, feeling alive and euphoric.

"What'd you say?" she asked, breathless. She pushed her hair out of her eyes, nearly laughing for pure joy.

"I said you look like a dog," Carmen said with a chuckle.

Lena rolled her eyes, but she was too good-natured not to laugh along. "Don't _you _know how to ruin a good mood, Carma!"

"Nope, she wouldn't know how if she tried," a masculine voice said affectionately from the back seat. The owner of the voice leaned forward to rest his chin on the back of Carmen's seat so that he could better join in the conversation.

"As weird as this may sound, I think you might be a little biased, Win," Carmen joked, smiling at him in the rearview mirror.

Win had come along with them, ironically, because of Lena. Win was headed home to visit his family in a week, and Carmen had been planning to spend the week with him. However, Lena had wanted to leave to visit Carmen's father as soon as they could, so Carmen, Lena and Win had piled into Carma's car early this morning.

"Here's our exit!" Carmen announced theatrically. Lena immediately looked out the window, memorizing each detail, so relieved that she had finally made it here. Now that they'd arrived, it felt like she could stop worrying that Kostos would pop up out of nowhere.

They pulled up in front of the kind of house Lena would never have thought Paul would pick for himself. But, then, she reminded herself, this was Lydia and Al's house. Not Paul's. They knocked on the newly painted door, then waited practically long enough that they could've driven back home to Bethesda.

"I told my dad I was coming," Carmen said in a small voice. "He said he'd be here."

Lena put a comforting arm around Carma before she could start blaming Bad Carmen for wanting Al to be there. Because the loyal, understanding part of Lena was indignant that he hadn't come to be with his own daughter. Unfortunately, the rational, sympathetic part of Lena was inconvenient enough to excuse Al by being sure that something had come up.

They all sat silently on the porch for awhile, waiting for someone to come. Win sat behind Carmen on the steps, gently scratching her back as she sat, head slumped into her hands, trying to hide her disappointment and embarrassment. And Lena sat alone on the swing, gently swaying, watching the two. Now it was time for Jealous Lena to make an appearance (how had she thought Carma was nuts for separating herself into two personalities? Lena had at least six!), wishing that she could have someone to make her feel like everything was okay. Her mind drifted back to previous summers, where Kostos had been that person. Now she was fleeing from the same person with whom she had felt fully secure and loved.

All that thought did was make Lena feel more alone.

She could feel tears pricking her eyes, she wanted someone to say something to break this awful silence, to make her think of something else and make her forget, but the only sounds were the leaves moving in the breeze and the scritch of Win's nails against Carma's shirt.

Lena was just beginning to realize that she couldn't hold back her tears any longer, when the most wonderful thing anyone had ever done happened. A car pulled into the driveway, Paul stepped out, went past all three of them into the house, came back with three glasses of lemonade, passed them out, and sat unassumingly next to Lena. All without a word, Paul had fixed everything. Someone was here to see Carma, someone was here _for _Lena.

"Where's my dad?" Carmen asked immediately once she'd closed her hands around the glass of lemonade.

Paul sipped his own drink, unhurriedly, before answering. "I don't know. I thought I was going to be the last one home."

Though not satisfied completely, Carmen did immediately become more cheerful, chattering away. Lena studied Win's face. He looked - not jealous, that wasn't a Win sort of emotion - but he looked wistful. Wanting to be able to waltz in and put a smile on Carmen's face instead of sitting silently with her for an hour offering what comfort he could and still getting no response. Lena's heart went out to him, she wanted to pull him aside and tell him how much Carmen cared, how much his little gestures meant to her. But the only person who could really tell him that was Carma herself.

"Paul, this is Win," Carmen said, and Lena heaved a sigh of relief that at least she was bringing Win into the conversation.

"You volunteer at the hospital?" Paul asked, looking pained at being forced to hold a conversation. Lena smiled, she knew that at least with Carmen, he wasn't required to talk often.

Fortunately, Win and Carmen were as open as Paul and Lena were quiet. Win started off on stories about the kids he'd met in the hospital playroom, which soon had Carmen laughing easily, Paul and Lena more cautiously.

Lydia was the next to drive up, Krista in tow.

"What on earth!" Lydia bustled up to the porch. "Paul, I know it's nice out, but could you at least have let them bring their bags in? Come on in, everyone, so nice to meet you." She continued chattering as she smiled and beckoned them inside her immaculate house.

When Lena found herself alone with Carma in the room they were sharing, she found herself overwhelmed with her first time meeting Lydia. She was nice enough, but she seemed so anxious to please. Lena preferred people who were completely comfortable being themselves, mainly because people like that made Lena okay with being herself with them. People like Kostos...

"Stop thinking about him, Lenny," Carmen said sharply. Lena laughed, liking the knowledge that Carma could know what she was thinking with just a look. "You're here to get away from him, so that's what we're going to do."

Dinner started out on a bad note. The moment Carmen sat down and saw her father, she asked him where he'd been.

"Something came up, Carmen," he said apologetically. Carmen glared.

"Well?" she demanded. "What came up?"

"Work stuff, honey," he said evasively. Carmen raised her eyebrows. "I'm sorry, I wish I could have been here to meet you." He reached out and lay his hand on top of hers.

Carma pulled her own hand away, and Lena gave her a pleading look. Now was not the time for an argument about this. Carmen sighed. "It's all right, Dad."

* * *

Bee reclined next to Tibby, watching Eric, Billy, and Brian trying to teach Nicky and Katherine how to play soccer. Eric and Billy weren't playing as well as they could - Bee suspected that this was as much for Brian's benefit as for Tibby's siblings'.

Katherine shrieked as Billy, who was on the opposite team, gently kicked a ball towards her. She tottered forward and grabbed the ball just as it was about to pass her and go into the tiny goal Bridget had dragged out of her garage, from when she'd just been learning to play. Eric swept Katherine up and jogged in a victory circle, her perched on his shoulders and screaming at the top of her tiny voice the whole time.

This whole thing was mainly for Tibby's benefit. Bee noticed that Tibby looked more relaxed than she had since her mother had gone missing - they all hoped Alice would be found or get in touch soon, but in the meantime, all responsibility had fallen on Tibby's shoulders.

"Tibby, we're winning!" Nicky shouted, launching himself into his sister's arms. Bridget smiled. Not too long ago, Tibby would have responded with just enough to get him to leave her alone. Instead, she spoke to her brother with her birthing-coach persona - more enthusiasm than she could possibly have felt.

"That's _great_, Nicky! You guys are such pros!" she cried.

"Will you tell Mommy when she comes home?"

Tibby waited until he had run back into the game to let her face crumple. Bee sat, wanting to hit something. _Why _did the people Tibby loved have to leave her? Why could no one see that Tibby _needed _them to stick around?

She felt a surge of anger towards Alice, for leaving Tibby the way she had. Alice should be the one here, cheering her kids on, making a presence in Tibby's life. But no, the one doing that was Brian. And thank God for him, he didn't have to do any of these things, yet he did them routinely. And he recognized what a gift he'd received, being given Tibby's trust - most people didn't comprehend the value of that present. Alice evidently hadn't.

"What am I supposed to tell him?" Tibby wanted to know, dragging Bridget out of her thoughts. Her shoulders were squared now, her face carefully controlled. "How do I tell him she might not come back?"

"She's coming back, Tibby," Bee said firmly. "She took her clothes and car, she didn't get kidnapped. She's going to come home."

"She'd better," Tibby said grimly. "We can't stay at Brian's all the time, he doesn't want Nicky and Katherine around when his parents are drunk. And being at home is awful, too, with Dad walking around like a ghost and that detective he hired in and out."

"Bring them to my house," Bee said generously.

Tibby gave her a Look. "Beezy, you know your house is full."

"None of them are staying overnight," Bee pointed out. "Except Greta, and that's only sometimes."

"Bee, you'd give away your last spare foot of space if it meant you could help someone out." Tibby sighed.

"Tib, we have the guest room," Bee pleaded. A person had to know just how to get around Tibby in order to not make her feel like a burden. And once Bee set her mind to helping somebody, she was unstoppable. A soccer day was not enough, not if Tibby's brother and sister needed a place to stay. Younger kids had always held a sort of a fascination for Bee, they were so energetic, much closer to Bee's own personality than quiet Perry. "Please?"

Tibby sighed again. "Fine."

Bee grinned and rushed onto the field to play a spontaneous defense.

**A/N:** I'm hoping to get the next chapter up soon... I actually have something in mind for that one (what a shock!), so stay tuned :-)


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys, sorry about the chapter stuff... I've never been much of a "chapter namer", and what with the prologue, everything is bumped back a number. I can change it if you all would like, if it would make things easier. If you'd like it changed, just let me know what you think would be a good method... not wanting to make the prologue ch. 1, but I don't know what else I can change short of naming the chapters.**

**Chapter 7**

When Carmen got out of the car, laughing and refreshed from a game of tennis with her father, she was shocked to see Win sitting alone on the porch swing, his duffel bag lonely by his feet.

"What's wrong?" she called, afraid to know. She didn't like the look on his face.

"I need to talk to you, Carmen," he said, that troubled look in his eyes haunting her. Her father was standing nearby, looking almost as concerned as she felt.

"Go ahead in, Dad," she said, not taking her eyes off of Win's face. "I'll be there in a minute." After the screen door had safely closed, Carmen moved to go sit next to Win, then stopped. She pulled herself up so that she was sitting on the porch railing, facing him.

"What's wrong?" she asked, wishing she didn't have to inquire, that this was some sort of stupid joke, that everything was fine.

"Carmen, I don't know how to say this..." Win sighed. Carmen felt her eyes widen, she shook her head slightly, wanting him to close his mouth and stop the next words from tumbling out. "I came along with you and Lena because I thought maybe things would get better, and you and I would talk more, spend time together like we used to."

"Win, we _do _spend time together," Carmen said desperately.

He gave her a pained look. "Carmen, we've been dating for almost a year. You have yet to tell me you even really care."

Carmen wanted to blurt out every loving thought she'd ever had about him. She wanted to explain how selfish and awful he was, to tell him how good he was, how she didn't deserve him. She wanted to beg him not to say these things, and promise him that she would fix everything. But her mouth was overflowing with things unsaid, the same way it had been for a year, and she could only sit there and stare.

He stood up. "My flight leaves at five, I'd better go."

She looked over her shoulder to watch him trot down the path, feeling her long hair slide over her shoulder like a girl in a movie. The same thought she'd had last year, when she'd first met him. She wished she were the girl in the movie. Then this wouldn't be real.

"Win," she said in a small voice, still wishing she could put into words what she was feeling.

He turned, face laced with pain. "Goodbye, Carmen." He shouldered his duffel and slowly walked away, in the direction of the nearest bus stop. Carmen watched him over her shoulder until he disappeared. Finally, she let herself slowly off the railing and ran toward the door as though her life depended on getting there.

"Paul!" she called.

Carmen had stolen Paul for the afternoon. She felt like she hadn't gotten three seconds alone with him since she'd arrived, and she was sick of watching him sit there silently, impassively. So she'd cornered him in the kitchen and informed him that they were going out. She had been determined not to say a word about Win, but now that she was here, it seemed so much harder not to.

They were now at the Dairy Queen on the corner, she with a chocolate milkshake (anything but peppermint ice cream - no good memories of that, not anymore), and Paul was suffering through two scoops of bubble gum ice cream topped with hot fudge, whipped cream, and gummy bears.

"You," Carmen said, her voice falsely cheerful, "have the weirdest sense of humor of anyone I know." She had forbidden him to get plain old vanilla, so he'd promptly ordered the disgusting-looking concoction currently in front of him.

Paul gave a half-smile and shrugged.

"About Win," he began.

"What about Win?" Carmen wanted to know. Paul had this superhuman ability to see a person and know everything about them, Lena was similar. So maybe he _had _noticed what had happened.

Paul considered. "He cares about you," he said. From Paul, this wasn't a meager attempt to find something positive to say, it was a favorable judgement of Win's character. "How often do you acknowledge that?"

Carmen was confused. The fact that she'd rather talk about anything, any_one_ else, right now didn't help. "What do you mean?"

Paul sighed and shifted his weight, pushing his melting ice cream a little to the side so he could clasp his hands. "Carma, he's waiting for something. You can't leave him waiting forever."

Carmen wished he would say what he meant outright. Apparently Paul saw the confusion in her eyes, because he continued patiently.

"Win is not one of those people you can assume knows you care," Paul said. Carmen got the squirmy feeling that Paul was one of the people she did assume about. He smiled reassuringly at her, and she wondered if he knew what she was thinking. "I think he's waiting to be told."

Carma hated to admit it to herself, but she felt like dirt. She had thought she was never over-reliant on Win, that she was there for him as much as he was for her, but with what both Win and Paul had said, she realized that she had been wrong. She had a suspicion that Lenny had noticed, too, Carmen had been getting odd looks from her all week.

She sighed and pushed her milkshake away. She didn't want any more. "So, Paul," she said, trying to be nonchalant and not give him a clue about what had happened. "How would you go about fixing it?"

He gave her a very direct look. "Isn't it a little late for that, Carmen?"

She sighed. So Paul's powers of observation had outwitted her again. She nodded, feeling an odd mixture of pain and shame. "So you're saying I can't do anything?"

Paul shrugged. "I don't know anything about relationships, Carma. All I can tell you is what I see. But if I were you, I wouldn't chase after him."

"Then how do I get him back?" Carmen said earnestly, drawn in by the metaphor, waiting for some bit of sage advice.

Paul considered. "Back when my parents were married, we had this deer in our backyard. Krista was into Bambi back then, so she'd run out screaming to try to catch him. And, of course, he'd run. But I'd sit out there, silent, for hours on end, and eventually he'd show up. So I'd say, let him come to you, and if he does, show him you can be trusted, don't scare him away."

They sat in thoughtful silence for a moment.

"Paul?" Carmen asked. Her stomach was clenched into knots, deep down inside, from trying to keep her from remembering what had happened. She felt a desperate need to bring the subject to somewhat more neutral ground. "Since when do _you _tell people you care about them?"

"Just because I give advice doesn't mean I take it," Paul said, with another half-smile. Under normal circumstances, Carmen would have laughed. Even if she wasn't capable of being happy today, things seemed a lot better than they had a few hours ago. Though Carmen had the feeling she would be tossing and turning and trying to suppress things late into the night.

* * *

Tibby noticed how empty the house was. Her father was down at the police station trying to figure out what their next move would be, her brother and sister were at Bee's, and her mother... well, who knew? And there was nowhere for her to escape to - Brian was out of town today, Bee was babysitting, and Carma and Lenny were away. 

The doorbell rang, and as lonely as Tibby was, she didn't feel like getting up to go answer it. But it could be her mother. This was the only thing that drew her to the door. When she opened it, there was a totally unfamiliar man standing there. Glad that she hadn't taken the chain off of the door, she narrowed her eyes, studying him.

"Can I help you?"

"I think so," he said. He had a nice smile, his voice was slightly accented but he spoke English very well. "Are you Tibby?"

"Who are you?" she countered.

He held out his hand, but she merely stared at it. "I'm Kostos. You might know of me through Lena?" He looked uncertain.

Tibby's jaw dropped. "You? _You're _him? What are you doing here?"

"I thought Lena would have explained," he said mildly.

"No, no, no," Tibby said impatiently. She pulled the chain out of the door and opened it all the way. "What are you doing on my _doorstep?_"

"Trying to find Lena," he said shamefacedly.

Tibby laughed disbelievingly. "So you showed up at Lena's friend's house hoping I'd tell you where she was? What made you think I'd tell you anything?"

"Nothing, actually, but I figured it was worth a try," he admitted. "Your friend Bridget slammed the door in my face. I did better here, at least."

She laughed. That was the sort of thing Bee would do. It was the sort of thing Tibby might have done if she weren't amused by the conversation. Amusing herself was one thing, but she wasn't giving him a single digit of the phone number at Carmen's dad's house.

"I didn't get to really talk to her," Kostos said. "I understand how this must sound," he said hastily, "because I don't doubt Lena's told you what happened. But I want to explain to her."

"Listen," said Tibby firmly. "I'll tell her you want to talk. But I'm not going to let you call her or anything. I'm not an idiot. I-"

"She's in South Carolina?" Kostos wanted to know.

Tibby hesitated for a moment, in surprise. That was all it took.

"What's the address?" he asked.

She shook her head firmly. "No."

Kostos sighed. "I'm not going to get anywhere without being completely open about this, am I?"

Tibby raised an eyebrow. "You weren't?"

He shook his head distractedly. "My grandmother's not doing well. I need to go back to Greece... I thought when I got here that I'd have a summer to let Lena come, if I waited. I'm out of time to wait."

"Then you know your answer," Tibby said. It would have sounded cruel from someone else, with Tibby it was matter-of-fact. "You can't chase Lenny down. You should know that if you know _her_." Tibby said pointedly.

"I made the biggest mistake of my life," Kostos pleaded. "One that cost me Lena forever, I thought then. And now things could go back, if she wanted-"

"This is not right," Tibby informed him. "You can't keep coming back like this, making promises you can't keep."

He looked utterly defeated, and she knew she had voiced the thoughts he himself had been trying to suppress. He did love Lena, she could see that, because he had been lying to himself all this time to keep himself going with the thought of her. And the knowledge that he had hurt her and was hurting her again with every reappearance was chewing away at him from inside, when he bothered to think about it. All of this Tibby knew without a doubt.

"Look," she said, more gently now. "When does your flight leave?"

"Tomorrow," he said glumly. "Noon."

Tibby mentally went over how much money she had upstairs. How long Bee could keep Nicky and Katherine. How her dad would react. She shook her head, trying to come up with an alternative. He could use the phone, if Carmen's cell was on.

"Wait here," she said, and went in to the kitchen to dial Carma. "Carma?"

"What's wrong?" Carmen asked, immediately knowing from Tibby's tone that something wasn't quite right.

"Don't worry about it, Carma," Tibby said. Carmen had enough to think about. "Where's Lenny?"

"Out with my dad and the rest of them," Carmen said, puzzled. "They went camping." Tibby almost smiled. Carmen hated camping - too many mosquitoes. An afternoon of tennis was more her idea of outdoorsy.

"When are they coming back?" Tibby asked, all business again.

"Not until tomorrow afternoon, I think." Carmen answered. "Why?"

Tibby lowered her voice. "I've got this guy Kostos on my doorstep... heard of him?"

Carmen gasped. "What's he doing there?"

"Wants to talk to Lenny."

"Well, what are you going to do?" Carmen wanted to know. "None of them has a cell phone, not with them at least. Wilderness experience and all that."

"Carma," said Tibby in measured tones. "I believe I am thinking of flying down there."

"You're going to make her seriously unhappy." Carmen reminded her.

"I'm going to make sure he knows this is it, that things are over, what kind of person do you think I am?" Tibby snapped. "Lenny needs the closure, and I think he does too. And he's got to see for himself that he needs to give up chasing after her and let her go on with her life. That just because he made a mistake doesn't mean he can keep making Lena pay for it. He'll realize that if he can see it in her face, in person."

Carmen sighed and Tibby knew she'd won. "Tibbadee, there's no reason for you to fly down here on top of it all. I'll pick him up at the airport and get him to the campground."

"No," Tibby said firmly. "Carma, I want to see you anyhow."

"I'm fine, Tibby," Carmen insisted, but Tibby could hear the smile in her voice, the kind of smile that came from knowing you were a loved person. "I'll handle it."

"And who's going to handle you?" Tibby said matter-of-factly.

"I will," Carmen said. "It's not as bad as all that, Tibby."

"You, Carma Carmeena Carmabelle, are lying through your teeth," Tibby informed her. "I'll call you when I get a flight."

After saying her goodbyes to Carmen, Tibby reappeared in the front hall.

"We're flying to South Carolina.," she told Kostos. "And throughout this entire flight, I don't know you, I've never seen you before, and you don't exist."

He looked confused, but he nodded. "I'll see what I can do to get a flight to Greece that departs from there. Money's not an object, I need to talk to Lena again before I go home."

"I'm going to get you to see Lenny," Tibby told him, "but that doesn't mean that I think this is a good idea, or that we're friends, or that I even like you."

He took it in stride.

"We'll be arriving at our destination in a short time, temperature is seventy degrees Fahrenheit, and it's a beautiful evening. The seatbelt lights will be going on momentarily, please buckle yourselves in when they do. Thank you for flying with us, and enjoy your stay in South Carolina!"

Enjoy your stay? Tibby thought idly, popping another piece of gum into her mouth as her ears popped for the zillionth time. She wasn't much likely to enjoy her stay, not until she'd gotten rid of the baggage that was Kostos.

As the plane descended, she chanced a glance in his direction, all the way across the aisle in another window seat. He was reading one of those free airline magazines. Same page he'd been staring at an hour ago when she'd looked. So maybe he wasn't reading it.

She shouldered her backpack as people crammed the aisles to disembark. She waited patiently. An extra fifteen minutes didn't matter. She was in no hurry.

Carmen had parked and come in - the outside pickup was apparently a nightmare no matter when you tried to get someone. But it always was at airports. Of course, Tibby got none of this explanation for several minutes, until she had finished hugging Carmen and Carma had tried very hard to maintain control of herself. Kostos stayed silent through all of this, keeping a respectful distance away. Tibby couldn't tell if he was on his best behavior, or if this was the way he would have behaved anyway.

Once they'd buckled themselves into the car, Carmen maneuvered them out of the airport and on the highway towards the campgrounds.

"Here we come, Lenny," Carmen said quietly. "Ready or not."

She and Tibby shared a look and simultaneously took a deep breath.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N - Okay, this one is shorter, I hope you all don't mind, but hopefully it will be a nice break from some of the longer ones.**

**Chapter 8**

Bridget was thinking about boys.

More specifically, about the effect she had on them. She could keep them going for ages, even unintentionally. Even after he had moved on from mooning over Bee, a boy could never say no to her.

This was the case with Billy, who had apparently moved on to longing for Carmen, as he privately confided to Bee. While Bee felt a little bit of loss, she was relieved overall. But because of this mysterious charm about Bee, he'd never say no if she chose him, Carmen or no Carmen. Bee'd had a boy once describe her as a sickness, this euphoria that got into your veins and lingered forever, you never recovered and you never wanted to.

"Did you leave any pizza, Bee?" Perry wanted to know, coming into the kitchen.

Here was the reason that Bridget was deeply interested in what would happen when Carmabelle came home – Perry'd had a thing for her for ages, and with Win out of the picture, sparks might fly with two guys vying for Carmen's affections.

"There's some left in the box," Bee answered, contemplatively chewing her current mouthful of pizza. She didn't know who she'd root for when the time came... of course it would turn into a competition. Bee wasn't sure she knew how to remain neutral.

"Nicky's on the computer," Perry said, sitting down across from Bridget with his own slice of pizza. "He'll be fine for awhile." Nicky and Perry had found each other kindred spirits - Nicky loved playing on the computer, and Perry was all about technology.

"He won't end up creating any crazy viruses that sweep the world?" Bee asked, helping herself to one of the mushrooms on Perry's slice of pizza.

"Not yet," Perry said, grinning. "Give him a few years."

The phone rang and Bee and Perry played the waiting game, each pretending to be occupied in their food, silently daring the other one to get up to go get it. Perry won, as usual - energetic Bee leapt from her seat to go get the phone.

When she returned, he looked at her inquisitively.

"It was Tibby," she said in response.

"Oh?"

"She's down in Carolina with Carmen and Lena," Bee continued.

"What!" This got his attention. "What's she doing down there?"

It took Bee awhile to explain, but Perry listened patiently. She'd given him a fair overview of the past couple summers, but it was beyond Perry why Tibby would get up to fly a guy they all had an obligatory dislike of to South Carolina to see the girl who never wanted to see him again.

"Let me guess," he said, making a steeple out of his fingers. "This is a girl thing?"

Bee laughed. "I guess so."

Shuffling footsteps entered the kitchen, and Bee turned to see her grandmother entering, holding Katherine's hand.

"She woke up," Greta explained with a smile. "She wanted some graham crackers." Katherine nodded with superiority, overseeing Bridget's search for the cookies and Perry pouring a glass of milk.

When Katherine had been comfortably installed on a throne at the head of the table, Greta settled in to talk with the other two.

"Who called?" she asked conversationally, leading Bee to retell the story.

None of them realized Katherine was listening until she piped up, "Did Tibby go away like Mommy?"

"Tibby had to help someone, she'll be home soon," Bee promised.

Katherine seemed to find this acceptable. "Tibby's a good helper," she said proudly.

The screen door slammed shut, then someone quietly cursed.

"I'm sorry, Bee," the voice called. "I forgot Katherine was napping."

"It's okay," she said, turning her face up to be kissed as Eric entered the room. She noticed Perry's face darken a bit... he wasn't overly fond of Eric, but he'd never much liked the people she dated. It was just Perry's brotherly way of looking out for her, and Bee liked that kind of security. Besides, even though Bee liked it when everyone got along, arguments _did _bring excitement and action... that much had to be said for them.

* * *

Lena liked it in the woods. She wasn't ordinarily one for roughing it - same as Carma - but she liked the quiet and the space to think, and the total separation from humanity that she was enjoying.

This morning she'd gone out on the dock with Paul to fish. They weren't really there to fish, just to enjoy the feeling of the cool water on their toes and watch the lines bobbing in the water. They weren't there to catch anything, but fishing was an excuse to be quiet and peaceful for hours. There had been a time when fishing would have reminded her - however indirectly - of Greece and Kostos, but now she was finally beginning to relax and let go and live here in the moment with Paul, no shadow of Kostos. And she was okay with that.

She heard the brush crash behind her, but she didn't turn around. She was basking in the sunlight, and whatever Al or Krista or Lydia wanted, they'd be here in a few seconds to tell her. She was too comfortable to be curious, her closed eyelids were glowing red in the bright sunlight.

"Lena." This was a man's voice, and not Carmen's father's. Lena shot upright and turned around.

"What are you doing here?" she said in measured tones.

"I have come to say goodbye, beautiful Lena," Kostos said, crouching down to her level. He turned to Paul. "Could I have a moment?"

Paul stood slowly, and Lena cast him a pleading look. He didn't look happy to leave, but what could he do if he stayed, Lena realized. He went far enough to be out of earshot, but stayed close enough that he could observe. Tactful but careful, thoroughly Paul. Lena watched as Carmen hurried out of the woods towards Paul and knelt near him, speaking animatedly.

"Lena," Kostos said, reminding her of his presence. She refused to meet his eyes. "Lena, I must say goodbye to you," he said earnestly, taking one of her hands in one of his. She resisted the urge to pull away as he gently massaged her hand with his thumb.

"I'm listening," she said, as coldly as she could muster - which wasn't very at all.

"My grandmother isn't well," he said quietly. "I'm returning to Greece, I have no more time to wait."

"What made you think I was coming to you?" she burst, furious tears running down her cheeks. "Why should I have come to you? I waited, I was done waiting, now that you're ready I'm supposed to be?"

"Lena," he said softly. "I know I have caused you so much pain. But I have never stopped loving you."

"You have a funny way of showing it!" she shouted. She let out a sob.

He pulled her to him, and she was too exhausted to resist. "Lena," he said into her hair. Everything he said, her name kept coming first, an agonizing reminder of when she used to love to hear those particular lips speak her name. "Lena, I told you once that I waited because I didn't want to scare you away."

"You already have," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm not coming this time."

She felt him sag, but his hand didn't falter as he stroked her hair. "I still love you, Lena. I'm selfish and I know I can't give you what you deserve. But I still can't give up hoping, it's keeping me going."

She pushed herself back. He grabbed her wrists, cupping her hands in his. She looked at him pleadingly, still crying, but of pain now instead of fury. "I had to stop hoping. I had to see you and think of you and love you and know I could never have you, and then I realized you couldn't hold me anymore and make things all right again."

He gathered her back into his arms. "I wish I could," he whispered. "I wish I could hold you the way a person can who hasn't betrayed the trust of the person he most loves, I wish I could hold you the way you deserve to be held. I wish I could make everything all right for you again."

Lena sobbed. There were no arms to hold her to make things seem right in the world, and she was falling and falling and there were no hands to catch her. Kostos had caught her before, now he was gone. She had to fall on her own, tumbling through space, over and over, screaming all the while. No one left to catch her.

His hand still steadily stroked her hair.

"You left me twice. How long can I wait?" She whispered into his shirt.

"You don't have to wait anymore," he said gently. "That's all I can do for you now.AllI can giveyou now. I see that." His tone became bitter. "I never realized how true is the cliche that you must let go of what you love."

She clutched his free hand. "Then who's left?" she choked through her tears. "Who's left if you're leaving me again?"

"I have no hold over you, Lena," Kostos said. She heard tears in his voice too, and felt one drop onto her head. "I haven't had the right to ask for any for a long while. I wish I had realized that before I caused you so much pain."

"I don't understand," was all she could sob.

"You don't have to wait anymore," he repeated softly, kissing her forehead gently. "I love you, and I will always love you, so I'm asking you to take what you deserve, be free. You don't have to wait for me."

"I love you, Lena," Kostos said. "I wish I'd been a wise enough man to beas much to you as you have been to me." And he gently let go, taking away even the semblance of those strong hands she needed. And he was gone.

The warm day was colder, now that he'd left her for good. She couldn't halt her tears, but she managed to stand. She walked, erect, towards the grass at the end of the dock, fully unable to see through the haze of tears. She felt her foot touch down on air, wobbled dangerously, heard footsteps, then was pulled backwards onto the safe, warm wood. Arms encircled her and she leaned into Paul.

Arms that could catch her. The only ones left that could.


End file.
